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The Book of Carbon by Saint Alberto d'Carbon

INTRODUCTION

The Book of Carbon is a sacred text written by

Saint Alberto d’Carbon, the spiritual leader of anti-carbon

fanatics around the world. Saint Alberto charms little

children and shames adults into following his message of

guilt and self incrimination for abusing carbon.

According to Saint d’Carbon, in the beginning was the

good carbon. Humans lived with God in the Garden of Eden,

enjoying the fruits of good carbon. Then, one day, the

snake entered the Garden driving a gas-guzzling automobile.

He tempted the humans to take a spin with him around

the Garden, which immediately filled with choking smog.

God, sneezing and coughing, kicked the snake and his

carbon abusing buddies out of Paradise.

The lesson to the story, according to Saint Alberto, is

that “It is your fault. You and your dirty car generate so

much carbon that you are even killing God. It is your sin.”

D’Carbon’s disciples preach this anti-carbon mantra worldwide

to rid the planet of the evil, black soot, named from

the Latin word “carbo” meaning coal.

The Book of Carbon lists four simple commandments:

I. Thou shalt not covet carbon.

II. Thou shalt not breathe carbon on the Sabbath.

III. Thou shalt keep your footprint out of carbon.

IV. Thou shalt report carbon skeptics to carbon police.

To join the Church of Carbon: 1.) Repent of your unclean

footprints, 2.) Dedicate yourself to the decarbonization of

your body, and 3.) go forth and make believers of all people.

The Book of Carbon

The Book of Carbon features 40 political caricatures drawn by

Dan Youra.

FACTS ABOUT CARBON

“To all you anti-carbon zealots who want to rid the world of

carbon, this is what you are up against.”

Carbon

• 4th most abundant element in the universe

• 15th most abundant element on Earth

• 20% of the weight of a human body

• 95% of known compounds

• Carbon compounds = 10 million discovered

• Diamonds are made of carbon

• Word “carbon” from Latin word “carbo” = coal

Carbon dioxide

• One carbon atom plus two oxygen atoms

• 0.04% of Earth's atmosphere

• Humans exhale avg. 2.3 pounds of CO 2 per day

• Humans exhale 30,000 ppm of CO 2 per breath

• 7,000 ppm = avg. CO 2 level in Space Station

• 3,500 ppm = avg. CO 2 level in submarines

• 400 ppm = CO 2 concentration in atmosphere